If you’ve ever stayed awake at night wondering:
Does he feel the same way I do?
Is he interested in more than a friendship?
Then I have some homework for you that requires brutal honesty.
Too many times to count, I receive questions from women wanting to know how they can tell where they stand with a man. They want to know if he’s as into them as they are into him. They’re sick and tired of waiting for their status to change. Yet they’re afraid to leave because one day he may wake up and see them for the remarkable woman that they are and give them everything they want.
Until then, they decide to stay, pray and hope.
While it breaks my heart to see women settle for less than what they deserve, I sympathize with them. We all want to be loved and accepted for who we are. Unfortunately, we are sometimes willing to compromise too much in order to make it happen.
There could be many reasons why a guy hasn’t stepped up and ask you out on a date or given you a title. And without fully knowing the whole story and listening to both sides, it’s impossible to give an answer.
But, I’ve come up with 10 questions you can ask yourself to determine where the relationship is going or not. But remember, you have to be honest with yourself if you really want to know.
- If you’ve been seeing him for more than a year, have you met his kids or anyone else in his family?
- If so, does his family like you?
- Have you met his close friends or the people who he hangs out with the most?
- Does he call or text you just to see how you’re doing or only when he wants something specifically?
- Does he ask you out on dates or does he only want to Netflix and chill?
- Are you constantly making excuses for him as to why he doesn’t show up for outings that you’ve invited him to?
- Are you the only one sacrificing time, gifts, money, or values for this relationship to work?
- Does he show interest in your career, family or hobbies?
- Does he openly share his plans with you about his short-term and long-term goals?
- When he talks about the future, does he use words like “we” (as in you and he)?
While this quiz may not tell the whole story, it is a good starting point to let you know if you’re wasting your time. Your answers to these questions should serve as a reality check.
You will always know who or what a person is by their actions– not by their words! The Bible uses a tree analogy to make this point:
Matthew 7: 16 – 20 NLT You can identify them by their fruit, that is, by the way they act. Can you pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? A good tree produces good fruit, and a bad tree produces bad fruit. A good tree can’t produce bad fruit, and a bad tree can’t produce good fruit. So every tree that does not produce good fruit is chopped down and thrown into the fire. Yes, just as you can identify a tree by its fruit, so you can identify people by their actions.
If it appears that your guy doesn’t have plans to take this relationship to the next level, you have 2 choices.
You can choose to stay, pray and hope that one day things will change. But, I must warn you that the longer you stay, the more your heart will break if he never takes the relationship to the next level.
Or you can choose to be honest about your desire for the relationship to go to the next level; then give him a choice.
Whatever you do, don’t settle for less than you deserve.
***Click here to download complementary affirmations for this week’s post.