Q: A few weeks ago, the guy that I had been seeing for around 3 years told me he was exclusively dating someone else and we were just friends. The more I think about it, we never really defined the relationship but I was committed to him. I thought he knew from the way that I treated him, that I loved him. He accepted everything that I offered as if he felt the same way. Should I tell him how I feel or should I just walk away?
A: Ouch Linda. I’m really sorry to hear that you were dedicated to him for 3 years and you never really had a relationship.
This can be defined as a one-way street or a one-sided relationship.
It sounds like you were the giver and he was the taker the entire time. And the entire time you were in love with the potential of a relationship, but not the reality of the relationship.
If he is seeing someone else now, that tells me that he’s not naïve—he knows exactly what a committed relationship looks like, yet he never gave it to you. If he had wanted to make you that someone special, he would have stepped up to the plate and claimed you before anyone else had the chance.
I suggest that you learn from your mistakes and move on.
Next time, before you decide to go all the way in, make sure you have a guy who is committed and wants the same thing you want.
- If he takes from you physically, but never gives emotionally
- If he says he loves you, but doesn’t give you a title
- If you’re doing all the calling, texting, planning, and paying
- If you’re constantly making up excuses for why he doesn’t show up to social gatherings
- If he consistently makes promises, then breaks promises
- If he accuses you of being paranoid, jealous or needy when you ask for the bare minimum (exclusivity, respect, commitment, quality time)
Run!!!! Don’t walk to the nearest exit.
The longer you waste time in a relationship like this, the more your self-esteem goes down. The more your esteem goes down, the harder you will find it to leave him– the needier you become. Relationships like this will drain you and make you question your self-worth.
You deserve so much more!!!