Q. Do you think it’s OK to be specific and ask God for what I want in a husband or should I settle for what everyone else thinks is good enough? My friends and my mom think I’m too picky, but I believe I should have exactly what I want if I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life with this person.
A. Out of all the questions I get, I find this one to be most interesting. It tells me that we are still confused about what’s really important in a relationship. Because there is a difference between having standards and having preferences. And if you aren’t careful, you’ll miss out on a perfect match because you confuse the two.
Standards are must haves or deal breakers. If a guy doesn’t have these, a marriage can’t survive. Every girl should have a list of these so that she doesn’t waste her time and energy trying to make something work that was never meant to be.
For instance, my standards would include:
- Christian or has a personal relationship with God
- wants kids
- hard-working or disciplined work ethic
Preferences are things you like, but you can live without. Usually, they include education level, appearance, or a specific job/career. They are OK to have on your list, but a marriage can survive if a guy doesn’t have everything on this list.
An example of preferences would be:
- green eyes
- muscle-bound firefighter
I challenge you to consider what’s really important in the long-term. If a guy treats you like a queen and meets all your standards, does it matter that he 2 inches shorter than what you prefer? Or, what if he has a good job but he doesn’t have a college degree?
What’s matters most is whether or not he has potential that you can work with.
You should make a list, check it twice, then pray and leave your list in God’s hand because He knows what you need before you even ask. He may want to add to it or take away from it based on who you are. But I can guarantee you that He will never leave you disappointed.
He’s able to do exceedingly abundantly above anything that you could ask or dream about asking (Ephesians 3:20).
So, if you know of a guy who meets your standards, but doesn’t necessarily meet your list of preferences, go out with him a few times to see if there is a connection.
Because if he’s meets your minimal standards, I don’t consider it to be settling. I consider it being flexible or open-minded to trying something different.
I’ll leave you with a clip of a movie that I saw a few years ago, where Sanaa Lathan was challenged to step out of her comfort zone and try something new.