Q. I love this Christian man, he’s a widower with two young children, his son is in High School and his daughter is in basic, his mom his also a part of the family. What advice can you give to me, before I enter into such a union. A. Davis
A. I would say that it’s a big responsibility to have his heart and his children’s’ hearts in your hands-because they lost their mother. Just as you have worked hard to develop love and trust with your fiancé, you need to do the same with his children. They need to know that you will treat them as if they were your own. And they need to know that you will be there for them when they need you.
Here are the top 3 issues you need to be on the look out for when you blend with this family:
- Jealousy. Sometimes kids get jealous of the relationship their biological parent has with their new spouse; they may feel left out. Establish family traditions that include the children; but also establish boundaries that let the children know when it’s grownup time.
- Drastic and sudden rule changes can cause resentment and anger in the children. Discuss necessary changes with your husband first; then share with the children why things will be different in the future. As long as the rules are fair and implemented in a loving way, they’ll get over it.
- Kids sometimes become confused about loyalty. They may feel as though their love for you will somehow imply that they no longer love or miss their biological mother. Let them know that you’re not trying to replace her, but you would love the honor of being a part of their lives.
But always remember that you are the adult. Whatever reaction they have to you, good or bad, remain consistently mature and loving. If you and your husband to be establish new rules, traditions, and boundaries together, you can navigate through any problem with ease.
Begin praying about your relationship with the children, if you haven’t already. I know first-hand how the devil tries to taint blended-family relationships. Children are the number 1 reason 2nd marriages fail. Yet, the blended family accounts for more than 60% of US households.
In addition to all of that, I strongly recommend that you invest in pre-marital counseling for you and your significant other and the children as well.