I admit it.
I’m just a tad bit old-fashioned. I’m down with the Ol’school.
I don’t believe in wasting my time or anyone else’s. I would never be successful at dating in this generation of deception and indefinite confusion. Eventually, I need to know where we’re going and what we’re gonna do when we get there. You can’t string me along forever.
If you’re ok with being a friend; a friend with benefits; a hookup, hangout or Netflix and chill type of girl, then this post is not for you.
If you’re one of the few girls left:
- Who wants to know exactly where she stands with a guy;
- Who’s tired of hanging out with a guy anytime he wants to, while clinging to the hope that one day he’ll give you a title;
- Who wants to date with the purpose of finding her God-given soulmate,
then I would like your undivided attention.
Whether it’s girlfriend or wifey status, you deserve to know whether or not a guy is interested enough to take the relationship to the next level.
You don’t have to rush to find out on the first date or even the first month. But if it’s been 6 months; a year, two years—don’t you think it’s time?
In life, you don’t automatically get what you deserve. You get what you’re willing to accept.
All too often I meet women whose relationship status never catches up with their hearts. They fall in love long before they get a title. Sometimes, they never get the title.
Instead of asking for clarity, they go with the flow. They don’t want to risk scaring a guy off who could maybe, possibly, potentially be “the one.” If asking for clarity scares him off, the chances of that relationship surviving aren’t very good.
If your heart to gets caught up before you get a title or commitment, you put yourself at risk for the worst heartbreak ever. If you’re not careful, you’ll wake up five years later, believing that what you have is better than being alone.
And really, there’s no one to blame but the woman in the mirror. It’s not necessarily his job to protect your heart.
Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. Proverbs 4:23 NLT
So, if you’ve been seeing a guy for at least 6 to 12 months and you know want a title, I encourage you to follow these 3 steps to define the relationship.
- Let him know how you feel. I’m a firm believer that grown people shouldn’t have to play games. Be honest and let him know that he has the qualities of a man that you see yourself being in a long-term relationship with and you want to be in a monogamous, defined relationship with him.
- If he’s not ready to commit and you’re not ready to give up, give him a timeline. Let him know that you’d like to see the relationship go to the next level within the next 3 to 6 months (or however long you’re willing to wait). But beware: the longer you wait, the more you put your heart at risk. As long as you are hanging out with him, without the commitment that you want, you will continue to fall for him. And the pain will be much more unbearable whenever the relationship ends. Ouch!It’s not that you want to rush him, but it’s not fair for your heart to be placed on hold, indefinitely, while you wait on him to catch up. You could be spending your time elsewhere.
- At the end of your proposed timeline, be willing to cut the relationship off and walk away. If he still isn’t ready to move forward, it’s time for you to move on. He needs to know that you respect yourself enough to leave him and go after what you really want. He also needs to know what it feels like to live without you. Any man who can’t live without you, will stop heaven and hell to claim you before anyone else gets the chance. And those other guys? Well, you’re better off without them.
Full disclosure: you may not get what you want, but at least you’ll know sooner rather than later. And at least you can free your heart and your time for the guy who wants the same thing you want.