Several years ago, I went on a process of self-discovery.
And honestly, it was a messy, painful journey filled with truths that I needed to face.
I’d spent years chasing unhealthy relationships. I wasn’t mentally, spiritually, or emotionally healthy, so it was natural for me to chase the familiar or the same ol’ mess that I was used to.
For instance, I clinged to rejection and low self-esteem that started as I grew up being the youngest in my family. I was teased, just for fun. And just like many other parents, my parents didn’t always intervene.
They thought it was normal, healthy teasing between siblings. As fate would have it, it wasn’t. Even though my siblings love me, those words eventually shaped my thoughts and how I felt about myself.
As a result, I felt comfortable with guys who also had esteem and rejection issues. We would feed off each other’s negativity until one of us ended up hurt. Really bad.
Because that’s what hurt people are good at.
They hurt other people.
Wrong will begin to feel right if you tolerate it long enough.
If I met a nice guy who complimented me and treated me like a queen, guess what?
I thought something was wrong with him.
I’d say, he wasn’t my type; he’s way too nice; he’s too short or I don’t like the way he dresses. I found myself nitpicking everything about him to avoid owning my truth.
I’d eventually take advantage of his kindness until I grew bored of the relationship.
The truth is, I didn’t think I was worthy of that type of attention. It was so foreign to me that it felt unnatural. After all, how could anyone possibly feel that way about little ‘ol undeserving me?
Subconsciously, I would end up choosing someone who treated me the way I was accustomed to being treated.
It felt normal to me even though it was not what I wanted. Those types of relationships always left me broken and with even more insecurities.
Breaking the Cycle
If you want something different, you have to do something different.
At some point, every girl should get to the point where she’s tired of repeating the same mistakes with the same type of guys.
If it seems as though you can’t get away from: losers, moochers, cheaters, liars, or abusers, there’s a strong possibility that you’re the magnet that draws them to you. Believe me when I say, it doesn’t happen by accident.
There’s something within you that attracts them and enables them to do what they do best.
As women, sometimes we over-nurture. We over-compensate. We ignore our intuition and make up excuses for the people we love. All while telling ourselves lies that keep us in their comfort zone.
Truthfully, it doesn’t have to be that way.
If we can identify ourselves and where we’re going wrong, then we can stop the patterns before it’s too late.
Here are 10 tips you need to remember on your journey to self-discovery.
- You never attract what you want; you’ll always attract what you think you deserve.
- Your relationships will only be as healthy as you are.
- In order to attract a healthy relationship, you must change how you really, really feel about yourself.
- Until you change the way you really, really feel about yourself, don’t expect anyone else to change the way they feel about you Or the way they treat you.
- The way a guy treats you is directly related to how he feels about himself. He will project those feelings on to you and if your self-esteem is not the best, you’ll accept it.
- We subconsciously morph into our parents or we marry them. Whatever’s good, bad or ugly about them, is probably true for you.
- Emotionally, you’re only as mature as your wounded inner child. If you don’t address her wounds, she will never heal and you will never mature (emotionally).
- Just as physical wounds deserve a time-out, emotional wounds deserve a time-out, too. Take a break long enough to heal.
- Sometimes, awareness is all you need to make significant changes.
- Sometimes, being alone is the best option (during self-discovery).
Self-discovery is a process or maybe even a journey, but not necessarily a destination. Because humans were built to change and grow overtime, you need to be intentional about getting better every day.
It won’t necessarily be easy, but if this girl survived, so can you.