Over the past few years, there have been some well-known Christian couples to divorce and people are totally taken off guard when it happens. Although I'm disappointed, I can't say that I'm completely surprised. Believers have the same struggles as everyone else.
When we struggle, we don't always know how to deal with the fact that we serve a perfect God, yet we are imperfect people. Sometimes we put on our cape and forget that He never intended for us to be superwoman. He understands that we are human. He longs for us to bring our struggles to Him instead of pretending that, we're OK when we're not.
It's time to take off our capes and get real. Here are three reasons why our relationships don't always work.
- Assuming that Christianity is all you Need
Several years before I got married, I met a really nice guy at church. I will never forget. We were doing a community service project when he gave me his business card. Eventually I called him and he sounded so “spiritual” that I thought he’s the one for sure. He’s a Christian and so am I. That was all we had in common. Thus began a disastrous relationship that was one of the worst dating experiences ever!
If Christianity were the only requirement, there wouldn’t be so many lonely singles in the church and no Christians would be getting divorced. However, Christian marriages are ending at the same rate as non-Christian marriages. You need to be equally yoked in more areas than religion.
Sharing the same faith doesn’t exempt your relationship from problems. In fact, I believe Christian relationships are tested even more. It’s our faith that helps us to overcome them.
But even with mountain moving faith, some Christians were never meant to be together.
Very few of us make it through life without collecting some type of emotional baggage that hinders us from being our authentic selves.
Baggage Happens –regardless of your zip code, class, race, or status.
It’s the reason many Christians hide behind religion. They’re embarrassed to admit that they’re hurt, struggling with sin, or they have a past that’s less than perfect. Instead of getting the help they need, they get dressed up, put on makeup and present their best selves at church. If they smile and quote scriptures, no one has to know that they struggle with porn or they still cry themselves to sleep because of something tragic that happened 10 years ago.
They’ve perfected the art of looking good instead of being good.
You can only hide unresolved issues for so long. Eventually, they will derail your relationships whether you want them to or not.
Christianity is not for perfect people. It’s for people who aren’t ashamed to admit that they would be a mess without the grace of God. He forgive, heals, and uses us in spite of our past. But only if we allow Him to. We have to lean on Him instead of a man-made title (elder, minister, worship leader) to survive.
Our problems get worse when we ignore them and pretend that the human struggle is beneath us— simply because we’re believers. Nothing could be further from the truth. Christians struggle too. We make mistakes too. And we shouldn’t be ashamed to admit that it.
Then, and only then, can God step in and turn our test into a testimony.
3. Different beliefs about Christianity
Christianity is one faith with many different versions. These differences may seem minor when a relationship is new because it’s easy for them to get pushed aside by love. Love has a way of making you feel like anything can be worked out.
Oh how I wish that were true.
Because not every subject is easy to talk about in the beginning of a relationship, you may not find out these differences until long after you’re committed and ready to walk down the aisle.
For instance, some Christians don’t believe in tithing and others do. Some Christians believe in pursuing prosperity while others take a vow of poverty in order to induce humility. How many people do you know who are comfortable talking about these subjects in the beginning of a relationship?
And because money is one of the top reasons for divorce, I’d say these could be deal breakers, but they’re not the only ones we disagree on in our churches.
We also differ on abortion, divorce, the way women should dress, heaven, hell, the trinity of God, and the timing and manner of baptism and communion.
So, before you jump into a serious relationship with someone who says they are a Christian, you may want to consider their denomination, whether or not they attend church, the type of church they attend, and how serious they are about their commitment to God.
If you're already married and having issues with these topics, I recommend you see a counselor.
It could make a difference in how the relationship ends or not.