Q. I dated my EX for over 2 years and we broke up 3 years ago. I thought we would eventually get married but he never proposed. A few weeks before we broke up, he started acting cold towards me. He would cancel our plans. When we did go out, he would get really quiet—as if something was bothering him. I finally asked him what was wrong. He said he was ready to move on with his life because we were never meant to be together. That’s it. He didn’t give me any more to work with. He didn’t apologize or show any regrets. I don’t feel that he gave me the closure or the answers that I needed. Later I found out that he was in a new relationship on Facebook. My heart was broken because he was my best friend. I have had a few dates since then but I keep comparing everyone I meet to him. Deep inside, I’m still hoping God will bring us back together. I really miss him. How do I get over him once and for all?
A. Hey Danielle, I’m really sorry that you are still heart-broken over your EX. I don’t think there is a woman alive who can’t relate to the pain of investing emotions, energy, time, money, and hope into a relationship that goes nowhere. As hard as it may seem, many women have gone through but have managed come out stronger. And you can do the same.
If you really want to move forward, you have to get up every day and be intentional about your efforts to heal. Everything you do has to lead to looking forward and not looking back.
Here are five of my BEST tips to help you start operation “get over him.”
Stop seeking closure or an apology. Sure, you deserve all of that and more, but you may never get it. You can’t continue to sit there and wait for it. You must move forward without him. The moment you accept the reality of what happened to you and let go of the idea that he owes you something, you can start the healing process.
Get rid of any memorabilia that reminds you of him. This can be hard for people who like to keep memories of their past adventures. But pictures, cards, and music can fill you with regrets over “the one that got away.” They do more damage than good when you’re trying to move forward.
If you must hold on to a few, put them in photo albums that are out of sight so that you don’t have to see them without intentionally looking for them.
Spend time with God. Even if your EX had apologized, would you still feel disappointed or hurt? I’m guessing that you would and the only way to get past those feelings is to spend consistent time with God. I recommend that you go to a Christian bookstore and find a devotional that speaks to you. My favorite is Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. A devotional is a great way to spend daily, structured time with God, especially if you’re hurting and are not sure where to start.
Chase your dreams like never before. If you take all of the head-space that you’ve devoted to a failed relationship and used it to launch your dreams, you’d probably be a millionaire by now : ) What are you waiting for? If you have delayed going back to school, starting a business, or learning a new hobby, there is no time like the present. Create short-term and long-term goals that will help your to focus your energy on your most valuable asset: YOU.
Stop checking his every move on social media. Social media can be a blessing to catch up and keep up with friends and family. But at the same time, it can be a curse that keeps us tied to former lovers that we need to let go. It can make us attempt to keep up with the Joneses who can’t keep up with themselves. It can make us jealous of lifestyles that don’t really exist in real life. You’re better off reading a book or getting busy with your own life, than sitting home mulling over social media every night.
I don’t know how long it will take for you to completely heal, but if you practice these tips daily, you will get there.
xoxo Thanks for reading!