It’s only a mistake if you make it twice. The first time it’s a lesson. ~Heather Thompson
No girl wants to invest time, energy and head space into a relationship that eventually ends like World War III. The hate mail, the division of spoils, and the river of tears that flow every time “our song” comes on the radio is too much agony.
Many heart-broken women seldom get over their past relationships because they don’t take the time to learn from them. And if you don’t learn from them, you’re likely to take the baggage from the last relationship and add it to the baggage that’s waiting for you in the next relationship.
You’re also likely to repeat the same mistakes that either caused the breakup or caused you to pick the same type of man with whom you would eventually break up with again.
Before jumping into another relationship, there are 4 questions that every woman should ask herself about the last relationship.
- Why did the relationship really end? Here is where you get brutally honest – even if you don’t want to face the truth. Think, “his mother didn’t approve” NOT “we just couldn’t make it work.”Facing the truth about your relationship helps you to fix what’s broken and avoid the same brokenness again. Knowing why the relationship ended also helps you to assess the part you played in its ending, so you can fix it before you get involved again.In some instances, it may help you to get over the relationship quicker when you realize there was nothing you could have done differently to make your ex happy. Some things just aren’t meant to be.
- What did I learn about myself? A good relationship should bring out the best in you. If in fact, you were in a relationship where you didn’t like what you had become, you should consider how you morphed into that girl.If you found yourself being overly suspicious and stalking him, consider the reason why. Was it because he was a flirty playboy, and out of desperation, you chose to ignore the warning signs? Or was it because you carry insecurities that date back to your childhood?
Either way, there is something you could have done differently to save the relationship or save yourself. Make better choices in mates or resolve the issues that you have.
- Was it doomed from the start? Where the signs there in the beginning that I chose to ignore? If you waited 7 years for him to commit, even after he told you he didn’t want a serious relationship, is it possible that you stuck around because you thought you could change his mind?In which case, the end result of that relationship is just as much your fault as it is his.When you know you want more than friendship status and he’s not willing to give it to you, why are you still hanging on?It’s your responsibility to protect your own heart from hurt; in fact, it should be your priority. Listen attentively for anything you don’t want in the beginning and accept it for what it is.You can’t change anyone but yourself.Sometimes stopping the relationship before it starts is all you need to do in order to prevent it from ending badly.
- What are my non-negotiable needs? To avoid picking the same type of guys over and over again, it’s critical that you know what you’re looking for before you start dating. Dating someone who is makes his job a priority should immediately bring up a red flag if your last relationship ended because you didn’t get quality time.
Maybe it was your fault, maybe it wasn’t. Either way there are lessons to be learned from each relationship. Save yourself some heartache and learn before you leap again.
If you are tired of repeating the same mistakes with the same types of guys answer these questions before you move on. Remember, it’s better to be out of a bad relationship than to be stuck in one.