We live in a world where it’s easy to meet people (online) and even easier to avoid choosing one of them to commit to. Men who avoid choosing at all costs, might be commitment phobes or men who are afraid of commitment.
Commitment (to one person) is about choosing to give up the other possible choices. If you have someone who is afraid to choose you, then you don’t really have a relationship. You have a community that potentially includes you, him, and any number of other women. Because he refuses to make a choice, he leaves the door open for other possibilities.
If you think you might be in love with a commitment phobe, keep reading to see how many of these descriptions fit him.
- He constantly reminds you that “we’re just friends,” or “just hanging out.” Just in case you happen to see a text from another girl “friend,” or just in case you happen to see him in public with this girl “friend,” you should have no complaints. After all, you and he are just friends.
- He cancels dates and changes his mind often because he doesn’t want you to think that this is serious and that he cares about losing his chance with you.
- His standards are ridiculously high because he doesn’t actually want anyone to meet them,
- You may never know what his standards are because he doesn’t actually want anyone to meet them.
- He doesn’t want to have a lot of deep conversations about himself or his feelings because he never wants to feel vulnerable around anyone who could be a potential partner. Being vulnerable places him at risk for falling in love or being hurt: the two things he wants to avoid at all costs.
- You don’t hear from him often, unless you initiate the conversation.
- Every conversation leaves you confused about how he’s feeling and what he wants. You need a translator to decode his messages.
- He is vague about his schedule because he doesn’t want you to know his availability.
- He only wants to see you on his terms or schedule; even if it’s past your bedtime. He must remain in control of the relationship pace.
- In public, you feel like his friend or buddy instead of a potential partner. But when no one else is watching, he treats you like you’re his lady. After all, he has to give you something to keep you holding on to him. He may be really having fun with you—he just doesn’t want strings attached.
- All of his relationships have been short-term, if they can be classified as relationships at all.
- When you ask: “where do you see this going?” He replies: “I just want to take things slow and enjoy each other. Why do we need titles?”
- He will allow you to escort him to family gatherings and work events as long as he can introduce you as “my friend,” without you causing a scene.
Deep down inside, every commitment phobe is a sensitive, compassionate person who is generous and would do anything for you. No wonder women fall for them, often. If that’s you, you have to put yourself first.
Putting yourself first, means you need to abort this mission. The longer you stay in this situationship, the more you’re at risk for falling deeper and deeper for him.
Run, don’t walk, to the nearest exit.
Your heart can only take so much. If he ever decides to give you what you want, he’ll come back to you. But he won’t do it if you continue to stick around and give him what he wants.
If you insist on holding on to him, check out this post on how to get him to commit.
If you want to understand why commitment phobes do what they do, enter your email address below to get access to my Relationship Library which has my new mini-book: 5 Fears that Stop you from Giving and Receiving love.
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With hugs and kisses xoxo