In honor of Valentine’s Day and National marriage week, I want to celebrate you!
If you are single, kids or no-kids, and have never been married, celebrate the fact that you’ve stuck to your standards by not marrying the first guy that came your way. You recognize that not everybody is worth your time and it’s better to stand alone than to stand with someone who’s not worthy.
If you are divorced, you’ve been there, done that, and you know what not to do and who not to do it with the next time around. Celebrate the fact that you’ve learned something from your mistakes (and his) and are refusing to settle or lower your standards again.
Because sticking to your (reasonable) standards will ultimately get you where you want to be– with a man who deserves you. If you’ve been called crazy or snooty for having reasonable standards, I want to validate your common sense. There is nothing wrong with you!
If you haven’t already, I encourage you to write your list of standards. It will keep you focused and accountable when you feel tempted to fall for a guy who flatters you but doesn't really respect you. To get you started, here are 6 Biblical standards that you would be crazy to NOT have on your list.
- He must be a Christian. This is not as obvious or straight forward as it sounds. Because there are different levels to Christianity, you have to know specifically what you want. There are men who don’t believe in your God or any God. You have men that believe in your God, but don’t attend church. There are men that go to church on Sunday but do nothing else to nurture their faith, Monday through Saturday. Then there are men who frequently attend church, serve in the church or community, and pray every chance they get. Which one do you want to marry? You could be unequally connected to either one of those guys. II Corinthians 6:14 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.
2. He must be gainfully employed. You want a guy who has a steady job and solid career goals as opposed to someone who quits a job every 3 months because their boss made them mad. A guy who is always in between jobs is not stable and is not ready for the responsibility of a wife and family. A steady job history is a good indicator that he’s loyal, hard-working, responsible, not lazy, and not necessarily feeling entitled. II Thessalonians 3:10 If a man doesn’t work, neither should he eat.
3. He must have clear financial goals if he’s of a certain age. Stress and disagreements over money is the number one reason people get divorced. So it’s no longer good enough just to have a job. Everyone, married or single, should have long-term and short-term goals regarding their financial future. I wouldn’t expect someone 18 – 25 to have it all figured out. But a 35 year-old-man should have an idea of what he wants to be and what he wants to have when he grows up. Even if he hasn’t yet acquired it all, he should have something (house, car, or savings) to show for his hard work OR a plan to get it. Habakkuk 2:2 Write the vision and make it plain.
4. He must have a vision of his future that includes marriage and or kids IF that’s what you want. Why get emotionally caught up with a guy who doesn’t want the same thing that you want? Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you can change his mind. Even if he’s happy to waste your time in a long-term relationship, it doesn’t mean that he will change his mind about marriage or kids. Amos 3:3 How can two walk together except they agree on where they are going?
5. He’s humble enough to admit when he’s wrong and apologize. There’s nothing like a man who takes responsibility for his actions. That says a lot about how humble, secure, and mature he is. He’s willing to own his mistakes, because he knows that none of us are perfect! Proverbs 16:18 Pride comes before destruction, and an arrogant spirit before a fall.
6. He must exemplify real love to you and everyone else. In the beginning, it’s easy to be loving and kind towards someone whom you’re interested in having a relationship with. But the real test, is how you treat everyone else, regardless of their status, position, or rank. Is he respectful to the staff at restaurants? How does he treat his neighbors, family, or co-workers? 1 Corinthians 13:4 Love is patient and kind.
What else would you add to this list?