Q. I really want to commit myself to God and abstain from sex. I have repented for past mistakes and now I am trying to live for God. I’m just not sure if I will be successful. It seems that every guy I meet looks at me like I have three heads when I tell them I’m waiting till marriage to have sex. They believe in the “trying before buying” gospel. These are all guys who claim to be Christian. Dating has been so disappointing. After I tell guys that I’m celibate, they try to manipulate me and tempt me into giving in. One guy said that I would die alone and now I’m starting to believe him. How can I get married if Christian men don’t agree with my vow to abstain sex before marriage?
A. Hi Camille and congratulations on your recommitment to God. I’m proud of you for wanting to be bold and stand up for Godly principles in this age of hookup. Research from the National Marriage Project shows that couples who have premarital sex often experience a decline in marriage quality. In other words, what you do before you say ‘I do’ has the potential to ruin your marriage.
The dreaded “try before you buy” gospel is the same as comparing a woman to a car. When you drive a car off the car lot and put miles on it, it starts to depreciate in value. But your value never depreciates. Your worth is not based on how high some guy rates you in the bed! And who is he to be the judge of you?
If a guy doesn’t want to date you because of your decision to abstain, it lets you know 2 things:
- HE’S MORE INTERESTED IN YOUR BODY THAN ANYTHING ELSE. Why waste your goods on someone who needs to have sex with you in order to determine whether you’re worth keeping. If he doesn’t see the amazing, God-fearing, virtuous woman that you are, he doesn’t really see “you.” All he sees is what he wants to do to you.
- HE’S NOT THE MAN FOR YOU. The man that God has for you will value you enough to believe that you’re worth waiting for. He may not like it, but he will respect you enough to honor your relationship with God.
On the other hand, there are plenty of men who have taken the same vow—to not have sex before marriage. If you haven’t met him yet, it’s not God’s time.
In the meantime, keep standing on your values and learn to find your worth in God. When you’re confident that you’re in God’s will, you won’t mind waiting on God. It may not be easy, but it will be worth it.
My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. James 1: 2 – 5
P.S. You’re in good company. Be encouraged to wait by these MALE celebrities who also made the decision to abstain before marriage:
- Tim Tebow (NFL)
- Angus T. Jones (Actor)
- Prince Amukamara (NFL)
- Devon Franklin (Hollywood Producer)
- Jonah Sorrentino (Rapper/Hip Hop Artist)
- Shaun Alexander (NFL)
- A.C. Green (NBA)
- Zac Hanson (Pop Music Star)
- Kirk Cameron (Actor)
- The Jonas Brothers (Pop Stars)
- Taylor Lautner (Actor)
- Kellan Lutz (Actor)
- Lenny Kravitz (Rock Star)