Around five years ago, my (Facebook) friends, “John and Jessica,” were living out their relationship goals, complete with romantic adventures, long vacations, business opportunities, four kids, two cars, one dog, and an upper-middle class home.
They had the perfect life and they were nice enough to share it on Facebook so the rest of us could take notes and only hope to achieve their status.
I was one of the people who admired their relationship. I wanted to be just like them. I even pictured myself hanging out on the same beaches that I saw in their pictures.
But suddenly, I started to see less and less pictures of this power couple. They stopped posting about how amazing their love-life was and started posting more about boring, everyday stuff like work, food, and shoes.
Then it happened.
The news of their divorce spread like wildfire. Apparently, they had been having problems for years. In fact, they never really got on the same page during their 13-year marriage.
They totally had me fooled.
There are no perfect couples
Everyone I know has relationship goals that they want to achieve in their (future) relationship. And most of the times, those goals are inspired by celebrity couples or couples they’ve seen on social media who appear to have it all together.
I don’t have to tell you that some people are fake and they don’t always show or tell the whole truth. Especially on social media. Their life in pictures is almost guaranteed to be better than their real life that takes place behind closed doors.
Few people paint an honest picture on social media. They’re only going to show you the end result – if it’s pretty.
I’m not suggesting that couples put all their business out there for everyone to see. But I would rather my “friends” post an occasional happy moment than to drown my timeline with images of perfection when they know their life is anything but flawless.
After all, no relationship is exempt from problems. But, if you only post the good times all day, every day, we can’t help but assume that your relationship is perfect. Then we start to wonder “what’s wrong with us?” “Why don’t we have that type of relationship?”
And if John and Jessica aren’t responsible for the conclusions that we draw when we look at their lives, why are they posting? Clearly, they want us to see them and make assumptions that aren’t necessarily true.
Isn’t that a tad bit deceptive?
Being Good VS Looking Good
If your relationship is sinking, it’s more important for you to spend the majority of your time doing self-awareness and consulting a couple’s counselor. There’s an overwhelming amount of resources available to anyone who needs it. There’s no need to fake it. There’s no need to go out of your way to impress your “friends.”
Couples like John and Jessica have relationship goals but instead of working hard to achieve them, they chose to pretend. They’re consumed with what other people think of them. They’re afraid of being judged for everything their relationship was not.
They were more concerned with looking good than being good.
Looking good is easy. All you have to do is get dressed up and find the perfect backdrop and snap a picture. The reward: impressing your friends.
Pretty shallow, but it works every time.
Being good takes time, patience and work. It’s not always sexy, but it’s worth it in the end. The rewards include a strong relationship that stands the test of time with a partner who can also be your best friend.
“Don’t wish it was easier. Wish you were better.” ~Jim Rohn