How your personality affects dating and marriage
This week, I’m continuing my review of how personality types affect dating and marriage relationships. To read last week’s introduction, click here.
There are several different ways to assess personalities and some of them are so deep and complicated that you can get lost in the translations.
I like the four temperaments version that was first discovered by Hippocrates over two thousand years ago. It’s simple to understand and it analyzes personalities within the context of relationships better than some of the others.
In this post, I’ll do a brief overview of the two of the four temperaments. In later posts, I’ll describe how each temperaments handles themselves in relationships.
Before we dig into four temperaments, keep in mind these 3 facts:
- No one can be put completely into one box. There’s always exceptions to the rule because as much as we are alike, we are also unique. But there are general characteristics that can be applied to people who share the same personality.
- Your personality type can be inherited from your parents and grandparents on both sides. While some traits are instinctive, some are learned.
- Very few of us are 100% made up of one personality type. Most of us have a primary personality and a secondary personality. And because we wear multiple hats, we can use one personality at work and a different one at home. When you take the test, answer the questions as you see yourself relating to family, friends, and partners; not co-workers.
My friend Stephanie has never met a stranger. One year at the Essence Music Festival, someone asked her: “where did she buy her t-shirt?” and Stephanie did not waste any time telling her that she made it herself. She told the lady all about how she started her graphic t-shirt business and an hour later, she walked away with this stranger’s phone number, address and an obligation to send her one just like it. All for free. They are now (Facebook) friends who check in with each other periodically.
Stephanie is a sanguine. If you haven’t figured it out by now, sanguines are out-going, fun people who love to talk. Stephanie could talk for hours about her business, her kids, her pencils or any random thing that comes to her mind. In between phone conversations and social outings, she’s busy posting pictures and collecting ‘likes’ on all her social media channels.
When they walk in the room, their smile attracts people to them. Others enjoy their positive attitudes and encouragement regardless of what’s going wrong.
|We love them because :||They make strangers feel like family|
|Unofficial Motto:||Girls just wanna have fun|
|What they need from you:||Approval, acceptance, and attention|
|Basic desire:||To have fun at all costs|
|High School Superlative:||Most popular, most talkative, or class clown|
Weaknesses: In the eyes of a more organized personality, sanguines tend to be forgetful, disorganized, messy, hypersensitive chatterboxes who easily lose track of time. They’re often late because they take their time to craft the perfect look that will make them stand out and bring them plenty of attention.
One day, while sitting in a coffee shop, I wasn’t eavesdropping, but a 30 something lady was talking loud enough for me to hear.
“You need to stop eating that junk or you’ll drop dead. I would hate for my boys to turn out like you. And for the love of God stop telling your mother that we need a new car. I don’t need her to loan me money.”
This wife is a commanding choleric. Cholerics are natural born leaders whose discipline and focus make them the best person to lead any team. They can’t help but give orders no matter where they are—home, work, church, or um coffee shop.
Cholerics are also independent, driven, and determined. They love to achieve goals. If you want a project done, give it to a choleric and they’ll figure out the details, assign tasks, and make sure it gets done on time. And if you don’t get your part done, in their timing, they’ll push you out the way and do it for you. After all, they have more energy than anyone on the team.
They don’t mind fixing problems everywhere they go. They can tell chefs how to increase profits; pastors how to fix congregations; and doctors how to run a more efficient office.
Although they’re extroverted leaders, strangers find them hard to approach. Their confident demeanor can be intimidating. People love to listen to them because most of the time their intuition is spot on, but their tactics…… well, see weaknesses below.
|We love them because:||They get things done|
|Unofficial Motto:||Kill the excuses and “just do it”|
|What they need from you:||Appreciation and acknowledgment for all their hard work|
|Basic desires:||To take control and lead the way|
|High School Superlative:|| Most likely to succeed or Most likely to |
be your boss
Weaknesses: Have you ever had a friend who says exactly what you’re thinking but you have too much tact to say it out loud?
As I was saying, the choleric’s tactic is such a turn off that they can’t get anyone to cooperate without causing rebellion or resentment in others. They’re intention is to get the job done as efficiently as possible; therefore they don’t have time to sugar coat anything. You’ll never have to wonder what they’re thinking because they’re bold enough to say it whether you want to hear it or not. They are bossy bosses!
To keep this post from from being too long, I’ll stop here. But don’t worry, next week, I’ll review the last 2 temperaments.
***Most of my research was taken from the books: Personality Plus by Florence Littauer and Personality DNA by Sherrilyn Williams.
Click here to take the soulmate personality test, now.