Q. I’ve been divorced almost 7 years and my ex was the first and last man I’ve ever been with. I also have 2 teenagers from this previous marriage. So to be honest I was not looking for anyone. My pastor’s son’s best friend started playing drums at our church last year. In January of this year I felt this attraction to him but in a joyful way. I thought that it was a distraction from the enemy so I didn’t take it seriously.
In March, out of nowhere, I felt in my heart that’s he’s humble and shy, so I asked a friend “what’s the word on the drummer?” And was told he’s in a relationship. I didn’t pursue anything after that. Only to be told he asked about me and wanted my number. We started talking last week and this guy just told me everything about himself in one phone call. And the second phone call he asked me “what if I tell you I have baggage?” I ended up giving him some advice regarding his baggage. Out of nowhere he sent me a message saying that he needs to get back close to Christ and he doesn’t want a relationship with anyone until he sorts himself out.
Don’t get me wrong I totally understand where he’s coming from since he recently came out of a relationship. To be honest I’m ready for relationship. I really like this guy we have so many things in common. I’m just at a crossroads because, I know for a fact God made me stop. All the time I felt good about it. Now I don’t understand why my feelings went on pause ….#Carla
A. Hi Carla. You’ve said a lot in your email, so just to make sure you understand my perspective, let me tell you what I think you’re saying.
You weren’t looking to be in a relationship when unexpectedly you found yourself attracted to the drummer and you inquired about him. Suddenly, you’re on the phone with him and he’s telling you his life story. You find that you have a lot in common and it’s awakened some feelings in you. Now that you’re ready for a relationship—he’s decided to put the brakes on it.
Sounds like he’s confused or maybe a little scared to move forward. Either way, it’s your job to take his word for it: he’s not ready. You shouldn’t try to force it to happen or convince him that you’re the one for him. That’s God’s job and He won’t do it if you’re in the way. When God does it, Mr. Drummer will be convinced beyond a shadow of doubt that you’re the one for him. He won’t be confused, scared or doubtful of your place in his life. And ultimately that’s what every girl wants. We want to be loved and pursued by a man who really wants to be with us. Not because we had to chase him down and convince him, but because we’re awesome and he can’t imagine living without us.
While it’s great to be in a mutually, loving relationship, it’s even greater to allow God to bring it all together. The only path you need to choose at the end of this crossroad is God. For now, take your focus off the drums and put them on God’s will. It won’t be easy –especially if he’s a cutie- but it will totally be worth it. During this time, you should be praying for whomever Mr. Right is. It may or may not be the drummer.
If it’s in God’s plan, trust me, it will happen. I would never have gone out with my husband if God hadn’t orchestrated it with the help of my BFF. He totally wasn’t the type that I normally would have gone for. But God had other plans and 15 years later, I’m glad I followed them—and not my own.
The way I see it, you have at least 2 things to be grateful for.
One, he didn’t string you along and play with your feelings for the next 3 years while he was making his mind up. And two, you found out before your heart was too deeply involved to pull away so easily.
So sit back, relax and allow God to navigate your ship. If this is the man that God has for you, be patient and pray for God to work in his heart.